death of a nice guy

[mope7]

gibts in der art auch in deutsch, aber das hier ist schöner geschrieben

Death of a Nice Guy

Women are always saying how they want a nice guy�someone who will open up to them, spend time with them, do nice things for them, in general, be there for them.

Bullshit.

Next time I hear that from a woman, I will say exactly that. Bullshit. Because you don't want the nice guys. Sure, you can say you do all you want, and maybe you can trick yourself into believing it too. But the truth is - you want the jerks. You want the guys who show an interest in you, then back off for no apparent reason. You want the guys who don't call you for two weeks, and when they do they swear up and down they're committed to you. You want the ones who don't talk to you, don't open up at all (and you want to change them to boot!) If you do find a nice guy, you make sure he's unattainable. He has a girlfriend, or he's gay, or he doesn't want a relationship at all. Basically, you want what you can't have.

You know how I know this? I used to be a nice guy. Yeah, I'm the one you always come running to when the jerks screw you over. I listen to your problems, I offer advice. Like all nice guys before me, and the countless ones after, I'm always there to back you up. I tell you how pretty you are. I tell you how fun it is to spend time with you, how cool you are, how you deserve great things. You say thanks, briefly, and then continue to rant about Jerk #2873.

I tell you over and over that you deserve a better guy, and there's always that "but�". Then you call me up at 1 in the morning some night just to tell me how he finally called you after two weeks, and how happy it's made you. You make excuses for why he's been ignoring you. You make more plans to change him. "If." And, do you know what the worst part is? This is the guy you're attracted to. This is the guy you're willing to get physical with. This is the guy you're willing to lose your virginity to. You make a big deal about how you're not a slut, and you won't just kiss any guy. But you admit that you would go all the way with this guy. Or you want to. Or, you already have.

No, you don't want a nice guy. And don't give me that bullshit about "a good man is hard to find." There are millions of them out there. Probably hundreds around where you live. And I'm willing to bet you know a few. You know that guy you call at any hour at night to talk about your relationship triumphs/problems? The one who always compliments you, makes you feel better about yourself? Is always willing to drop whatever he's doing to satisfy your needs?

What about him? No, of course not him. He's not enough of a jerk for you.

And the worst part? You don't want him now�but you will. When you get older, oh, say 30, and the ticking of your biological clock gets louder and louder, and you realize you can't play these bullshit games anymore, you stop going for the jerks and find the closest nice guy you can find. Wait, I take that back, the absolute worst part is that we let you do it. We've been starved for your attention since puberty, and now we're all too happy to get it. We're nice guys too, so we accept you when you come around, instead of giving you the cold shoulder in return you've been giving us for 15 years.

I used to be a nice guy. **** that. I took the phone calls, I dished out the compliments, I listened, I gave so much advice, shit, I should have a doctorate in psychology conferred to me right this instant. I used to be a nice guy, and I figured that I didn't need to actively look for a girl - that if I just got to know people, some girl would get to know me and really like me and develop an interest in me. I thought that I would make for an ideal partner, I'd open up with you, and be there as much or as little as you wanted me to.

I used to be a nice guy. What did that get me? 21 years of my right hand and softcore porn on Showtime. So, **** it. **** it entirely. I'm not going to try to meet women and get to know them, and to hell with the phone calls at one in the morning. Next time you start bitching to me over the fact that he hasn't called in a week, I'm just going to smile at you and say "Ok." In fact, maybe, I'll tell you to call him. Better yet, go over to his house, and drop your pants for him right this moment. Save us all some time. I feel the desire to be that good, dependable, caring friend slipping rapidly away.

And I like that.

mehr von dem typen: http://www.outpostnine.com/

lohnt

 

[mope7]

haha, geil, der überschrift nach zu urteilen dachte ich es geht, wie im ersten teil, wieder um die disco-generation, aber dann hat sich azreal doch dem thema aus dem posting obendrüber angenommen

so herzhaft das ganze

Mating Rituals II

Love sucks. So, what's new? It's been the same story ever since man stopped picking up women by clubbing them over the head and dragging them back to a cave (why did we stop using that system anyway?) People are always saying that we must learn from history, be careful not to repeat our mistakes. Yet, time and time again, we do so anyway. So many guys just don't understand the system.

Well, I do.

So, as a community service to the nice guys of the world, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. That's right, I've got the key to the golden treasure of the sun God, and I'm opening it up baby. So, all you nice guys out there who spend inordinate amounts of time wondering why you're still single, listen up. Turn off the tv, close the door, turn off your cell phones, put out the cat, and stop listening to What Could Have Been #47 as she whines about how Jerk #5172 doesn't pay her enough attention. This is important. Now, come closer. Closer. The secret, the golden secret that you've been looking for since puberty is...

Women are different from men.

No shit, Sherlock, right? Yeah, you'd think. But the sad thing is that so many men just don't realize this simple fact. They don't realize it, and it doomes them to fall into that vile trap, that horrible pit of evil and despair, that wretched hell that no man would dare sentence his most hated enemy to: The Friend Zone.

Here's how it works. You meet a girl. She's nice, and attractive. You take the time to become her friend, and get to know her. You earn her trust and respect. And she, in turn, wins you over with her personality; the little things she does, her cute little smile, her energy, the way she farts and then giggles about it, yada yada yada, etc. You become friends, close friends, and then you fall in love with her. It's a good system, right? Getting to know her for who she is, falling in love with her true identity and not the person she pretends to be or even wants to be. Establishing a firm and solid friendship based on trust and respect for each other. Yeah...that's the man way of doing things. Smart. Practical. Rational.

But you forget that women are highly irrational. Sorry ladies, but the truth hurts.

The main problem here is that you nice guys are expecting the women to do the same. Get to know you, become good friends, great friends, and then lovers. Nuh-uh. Don't work that way. You see, a women will be everything with you but your girlfriend. She'll spend time with you every day, open up to you, tell you her secrets, basically, go the whole 8 yards with you. She won't be your girlfriend because you are missing that crucial ninth yard; which just happens to be the end zone. You won't get to spike your ball, if you catch my drift. ^_^

The key thing is attraction. She has to be attracted to you. If not, you will never have a relationship with her. Never. Don't get the wrong ideas - there's a lot more to it than just your looks and your clothes. Granted, that's part of it. Girls have different tastes, and maybe your appearance is exactly what you're looking for. Maybe it's not. Most of the time, it's not. They're very particular, you know. But don't worry. If you don't look like Brad Pitt, Denzel Washington, or Ricky Martin minus the gay, all hope is not lost. What most nice guys don't realize is that you can create attraction. This is actually necessary if you want to hook up with a girl who isn't initially attracted to you. Without attraction, you will be banished to the Friend Zone to rot away like leftover meatloaf in the back of the fridge.

You need to create attraction; you need to do it early, and you need to do it well. You have to establish, right off the bat, that you are a possible romantic interest. You need to give her a challenge - something to work on with you. Don't be up front and open with her right from the get-go; make her earn it. Strangely enough, she wants to do it. If you come out of the box preassembled and ready to date, that won't be any fun for her. You'll never build attraction. Most importantly, and I cannot stress this enough, do not be her friend. Suitor, yes. Friend, no. "But I like this girl." You whine. "Why wouldn't I want to be friends with her?" Listen to me carefully now, this is important: **** that. You got it? One more time? Ok: **** that. You wanna be her friend? You want her to call you up in the middle of the night to complain about her guy problems to you? You want to invest all of your free time in her to get absolutely no returns? You want to be everything to her emotionally, but have her laying down for every other guy she meets? Fine. Be my guest. You want to be one of the guys mounting her (pardon my bluntness), listen to me. You can be her friend later. If the relationship does work out, or even if it doesn't, you can become her friend then. Suitors can become friends. But friends will never become suitors.

The process actually works in the opposite for women. Men can meet a women they have no attraction to, get to know her, fall in love, and be totally into her. Not women. As women get to know a guy they have no attraction for, the possibility goes further and further away. It doesn't take long before the possibility is completely gone. The Friend Zone is unescapeable. And you know you're fully immersed when she says the following or a variation of - "I'm looking for a guy just like you/why can't more guys be like you?/You're good boyfriend material, you'll make some woman happy some day/I don't get why you're single/You're such a good friend."

Girls, do you have any idea how much it sucks to hear that shit? Do you? You think you're complimenting him, but you might as well just pull back and kick him squarely in the crotch. Same difference. It's like strapping a convict into the electric chair, going over to the lever, and saying something like "You could have been found innocent so easily" or "You were so close to being pardoned." Bzzzt.

You know what really sucks? When the girl and the guy..."friend"...inevitably have that conversation about sex, and the girl says "I dunno, you and me...that would just be really weird and awkward. You're like a brother or something." Gee. Thanks. Weird and awkward. Doesn't that just make my day! Oh, I've never had the distinct pleasure of having this one inflicted on me, but I have heard of guys who've had "It would be kind of disgusting, wouldn't it?" flung upon them. Holy shit.

And tact joins rational thinking in the list of traits that men would die to see women posess.

So...yeah, attraction. And even if she thought you were cute to begin with, or you did a bang-up job of creating it, the game isn't over. You need to sustain it. You can be dating her for months, but if she loses her attraction, you'll be "LBJF'ed", which is, of course, "Let's Just Be Friends"'ed. Or just F'ed, that works too on so many levels. Let's just be friends. Jesus Christ that's awful. I think I'd rather be dipped in chum and tossed into shark-infested waters than hear that.

I'm sure there are you non-believers out there who at this point think I'm completely full of shit. Mommy has told you to just be yourself, because you're good enough, smart enough, and gosh darnit, people like you. Seriously though, you're a good guy, whom people like, and if you just be patient the right girl will come along. And this is true...partially. It will be true when you get into your 30's. By this time, women are desperate, and finally, rational. They'll grow to love you as you do for them. Or they'll settle for you. Whatever works, right? You just have to decide if, after years of finishing last, if you're going to be bitter about it and give them a cold shoulder in return, or forgive past sins and take them in. And you probably will forgive them, because guys are pretty horny, and the discovery of Viagra didn't help.

But the whole "Just be yourself" bit...ha! You've been yourself this whole time...has it worked? No! Attraction is the key. You can be yourself later. You have to play the game now if you want to hook up with the girls you want. So, the question is, do you want to hook up, or do you want to continue spending Friday nights home alone, listening to Vertical Horizon's "Everything You Want" a thousand times on repeat and crying to yourself "Why am I still single while the jerks are racking up women?" Maybe watching the Star Trek repeats on TNN. Hey, that was a good show.

You're probably wondering how to create attraction at this point. Well, it's not my job to tell you. I've opened the door, it's your job to go in. There are many resources on the web where you can find various approved methods of creating attraction. Or, you can use that radical and innovative concept called "the real world" (no, not the MTV show) and ask a guy who knows the game and plays it well. Much like Pat Morita, I have shown you the way, now it's up to you to go out there and become the karate kid, and beat the hell out of Joe Piscopo. Or not. Whatever works for you. But, I've taken you this far; the rest is up to you.

Mostly because I'm tired of writing this article, and really want to stop now.

 

[auRiuM]

oO


hart sich da durch zu arbeiten... aber das ist klasse geschrieben...

 

[Keerulz]

Jo besonders die Situationen am anfang des Textes kenn ich -.-

There are many resources on the web where you can find various approved methods of creating attraction

was sollen das für Seiten sein `?

 

[kilinator]

Das is mal wieder eine dieser aufreißer-anektoten - jeder kennt sie mittlerweile, und jeder denkt, THIS IS THE KEY! Klar, eine richtige beziehung baut man auf, indem man spiele spielt, sich verstellt und den harten hund spielt. Sorry, aber da is man einfach hinter der falschen art frau bzw. eher teenie-mädchen her. Es gibt genug beispiele, dass man nicht mister attractive sein muss und auch nicht künstlich attraction aufbauen muss, um an ein nettes mädchen zu kommen, und ich persönlich kenn so einen fall auch aus zweiter hand. Aus diesem grund kann ich diese ganzen artikel mit einem müden lächeln abhaken . Und wie ein großer aufreißer schon sagte: wahre liebe braucht keine tricks.

*edit*

ich les mir grad das ganze dort zum spaß durch, und ein paar dinge sind echt der hammer - das da zB:

Indecisiveness aka "I Don't Know" Syndrome - The guy calls to make plans. Being polite, he asks the girl what she wants to do, where she wants to go eat, etc. The girl answers "I don't know." and leaves the choice to the guy.
She thinks: She honestly doesn't know. Or maybe she is afraid of picking something he won't like. Or she doesn't want to seem too forceful.
He thinks: !#@%%#@@!%!@#%!!

ich kann nicht mehr lol

 

[Blade]

abgesehen von dem was kili sagt, finde ich die verallgemeinerung in solchen texten schrecklich -.-

männer werden in 2 kategorien (oder soll ich sagen "schubladen"?) eingeteilt (jerks und nice guys) und frauen sind ja sowieso alle gleich nech 8)

ich hab mich früher von solchen texten auch angesprochen gefühlt... aber mit der zeit hab ich gelernt dass es nur ne blöde ausrede is... der mensch (JEDER mensch) ist ein individuum... und vor allem auf der niveau-ebene auf der ich mich befinde ist es doch sehr schwer oben beschriebene stereotypen zu finden... (klar wenn ich mich unter die gangster-teenies begeb tu ich mich auch schwer da nen unterschied zu finden... aber die wollen ja alle gleich sein ^^).

Beispielsweise tat ich mich einfach sehr schwer den freund meiner ehemaligen angebetenen (goiler satz ^^) als "jerk" zu bezeichnen... er war es einfach ned... und sie war einfach ned so wie oben beschrieben... lief einfach völlig ins leere der text. Und das Beispiel blieb ned allein... daher kann man sagen: auf irgendwelche disco-schlampen und gangster oder wat weiß isch mag das bedingt zutreffen... aber verallgemeinern darf man das ned...

wie kili gesagt hat... wer sich mit "attraction" verstellen muss um eine beziehung aufzubaun, der hat sich die falsche frau ausgesucht

so long
blade

 

[skep1l]

sehe das wie kili und blade ^^ es steckt zwar in manchen Phrasen von den Texten schon was wahres drin, aber allgemein trifft das meiste halt nicht wirklich zu.
Wenn ich mal so die Päärchen, die ich kenne anschau, dann sind das eigentlich alle Nice Guys und die Frauen sind eben Frauen. Die Päärechen, bei denen das Jerk-Extrem auftritt haben meistens auch eine Frau, die sowas braucht und so ne Frau brauch ich net °_°

Die Texte sind lustig geschrieben, das stimmt, aber ansonsten lässt sich das ganze wohl sehr einfach beschreiben:

Bullshit!

 

[mope7]

dswegen nennt man sowas ja auch kolummne O_o

hät jetzt ehrlch gesagt nit gedacht dass diskussionen vom tisch brechen die als grundlage die texte von der witzbanane wie eine wissenschaftliche abhandlung behandeln O____o

uf wird immer komischer -.-

 

[kilinator]

Klar, kolumnen sind ja auch dazu da, sinnlosen müll zu verzapfen...nun, seh ich anders. Und bei solchen texten, mit denen gewisse leute (ja, der typ da ned, lol) u.a. viel geld verdienen und bücher darüber schreiben, kann man wohl davon ausgehen, dass die antwort ned bei einem "" bleiben wird, oder?